Medicines

Okay, here is the straight scoop... Mom & the doctors say you have impulse issues, and slight ADHD, and RAD (reactive attachment disorder). I say they SAY you have it, but I'm not sure if that is totally the issue. I think a lot of the probablems you have is due to proper parenting. There. I said it.

Mom tends to put on the tv as a babysitter, and I know you seem to enjoy it, but it shouldn't be on all day when she doesn't feel like working with you. I wish you were read to more ( I try as much as I can), and worked with to learn your letters and numbers. (Mom seems to think you can count to 30, but I tested you out and you get to 20 okay, but get a little lost after that). Actually, I'll laugh at this 30 yrs from now (I hope I'm still alive), because it won't matter.

She has resorted to giving you medicine (concerta- 18mg). The first pill was given way too late in the day and you were up all night with hallucinating/night terrors (crabs and spiders in your hair, ghosts flying by, snakes on the floor--just shoelaces that tie up your sleeping bag-, cows with hands at the cellar window,etc) and ended up in the ER until the meds were out of your system. I know you may not remember any of this... that is good. They changed your meds to 1/2 pill, (9mg) for a few days and it was much better, but I think it makes you jittery, and still hyper. It's supposed to make you focus. I'm not sure it's working, because the things I see that aren't you, are the 'forcefullness' about getting what you want, you aren't as kind anymore. I love my kind, sweet Malakai. Please, come back.

I hope mom doesn't give you any for a while, as she gave you a whole pill and you just kept bouncing and being VERY engergetic. You don't stop. You need to stop. Slow down. Maybe if mom took you outside more.... let you RUN, and run, and run....

You always want me to 'lay with you' at night. I guess that's a good thing. Our bonding moment. But you seem afraid if I leave. I'm right upstairs. Honest. I won't ever leave you until God makes that choice. But I'm here. I love you. You ARE my best buddy (besides Papa). I love you too, Malakai.

Future Mechanic...oops, auto technician

Hey, Malakai,
Do you remember when you were 4yrs old, that you LOVED getting cars and trucks for gifts? Well, let me show you why Gramma doesn't want to buy you any....
Notice the wheels. Or should we say, lack there of? Yeah,... you tend to remove the rubber wheels from their hubs and I find the rubber tires in various places in the house. Usually, after I step on them!

Actually, this car is missing all four tires. Hence, you cannot drive this one on the wood floors, just the rug.

This one doesn't even roll down the home-made ramps ... not even axels remain...tsk, tsk, tsk...

I keep thinking maybe you'll be an auto technician like your Papa. Maybe. If you don't misplace your wheels.

Mommies make mistakes...

Some day, I hope your mommy learns a valuable lesson.... don't try to get what you want by buying it. You can't always trust someone who says they'll pay you for something after you've already started putting money down for it, because they might take advantage of you. At least they do to your mom. And don't be so in a hurry to leave a situation you are in, by jumping into someone else's situation.

Also,...three things you don't pay for.
1. Your own wedding dress, no matter even if you think it's the one you've always dreamed of.... (of course, you, Malakai, won't be buying your wedding dress. lol... at least I hope not).
2. You don't buy your own engagement ring, by making payments on it and thinking your fiancee will pay you back!) If you want to marry a girl, work at the relationship and earn her. Pay for the ring, so it means something. Let her give you nothing but love and respect. And you, likewise.
3. Don't let anyone put your name on a cell phone plan, because you will be stuck paying the cancellation fees (of $200) when you can't afford it or they leave you....

I wish your mom would learn some things the easy way, not the hard way. If I could give her advise that she'd take, it would be to let life happen to her for a while. Don't go making things happen. It's the butterfly thing... If the butterfly lands on your shoulder, he's meant to touch you. If he doesn't, no amount of chasing him will make him land.

Just let it go and breathe for a while.

Actually, she should just spend some good quality "Malakai and Mom" time. Amen.

Your Heritage

In cleaning up the cellar for the guys to come and install a new boiler, I came across a zippered case that I asked your mom if this was hers (or Aunt Leslie's). She said it contained something she had to return to your 'biological gramma' Dee. It was baby pictures of Greg (this is how I'll refer to the person who made your mom pregnant with you- he doesn't deserve the title of 'dad' in any way, and that's probably the best for all of us at this time). I thought they were cute and could see some of you in them, but mom doesn't want to keep them. I've thought about scanning them into the computer for you when you get older and start asking questions about your heritage, but I'm not sure if that's stepping over boundaries. Your mom's boundaries. We'll see.
 As much as I don't feel he deserves a place in your life, it's where your genes come from. And as a baby, he wasn't the same person he became as an adult. He was still sweet and inocent, I'm sure. I don't want you to know about the awful things he did to your mom until you are an adult (or are old enough to handle it... then again, how old would that be? I'm not sure I'M old enough to handle it and I"m pretty darn old, some would say...LOL - NOT, I'm only 56, my dear!...

Bye Snoopy...

I know you didn't get to know Snoopy very well, and I guess that's a good thing.... Mom found him a better home, since she couldn't keep him here and couldn't really afford to keep him at all. Don't worry, you'll have animals some time in the future, I'm sure of it.

Photos of you that I love

I recently went through some onld files/photos on my computer and thought I'd post a few that stirred something in me.

This is the closest naked photo I'll probably ever post. It's you wrapped in a towel after a bath. You always loved being carried out to the couch in the living room, wrapped in a big towel, and 'plopped' you on the cushions... we'd giggle and laugh while getting your pj's on.

You were always one to make faces... funny ones mostly. Trying to make everyone laugh or be shocked. You were so adorable!

Some times, you were contemplative. I remember you calling me over while you were drinking milk on the couch (probably watching tv). You wanted me to look in your glass....

"Look, Gramma.... It's smiling!"

This made me laugh, RIGHT OUT LOUD!!!...hahahahaha

You always wanted to play outside!! ALWAYS! Mom would have to make you get your shoes on ( you didn't even want to do that-- it took too much time!)

Can you tell mom was pleased by your haircut that Aunt Jannie (Janet) gave you? I really liked your natural curly hair. Mom unfortunately didn't, ... maybe it made her think of your heritage (she had a hard time with reminders of certain people- namely your biological dad).

On to better 'dad's'.... This guy is your Papa! My best friend. You always love doing things with him. Didn't matter what!

Looks like you had a million dollars in your hand!! (it was a paint swatch from the home depot store.)

 This was you in your first bed. You looked comfy. I always felt bad that it was in the basement/cellar. The walls had paneling, but the ceiling had beams, pipes (some of which you used to try and hang from!), then we insulated it, but never covered it (the ceiling). See those sheets? They were from when I had my first apartment in 1973!!

You used to love sitting in the middle of leaf piles.... Never liked the bath I'd give you after, though...LOL

You loved to look cute, and you had the cutest belly!

I have always loved you to death!! We were always the bestest of friends! I love you.

This was a fun day... drawing hopscotch on the driveway with chalk and riding our bikes! Okay, maybe I wasn't quite the right size for the bike, but I tried! I bought that tricycle for you from the St Mary's (our/your church) Dayschool, when it disbanded, for $5. Sturdy little bugger!!

Hope you enjoyed looking at these. I'll post more as I come across them.

Sad Day

I'm sure you are too young to remember this day, but last Sunday (Sept. 5th), your mom received a 'text message' from her fiancee telling her he wasn't ready to get married. They had gotten engaged last December (2009), and they were working on her moving you and her down to Florida where he lived. She would have transferred her job down there (that was in the works) and gotten you into a Head Start program of some sorts.... (we would have missed you like crazy, Papa and I... , but we would have wished you both the best life you could ever have). A couple of days later, I noticed your mom's 'ring' was off her finger. Like I said.... sad day.
It's now a few days later. I think she's doing pretty well. I know she's sad, and it's too bad she received the news the way she did, but I think... no, I KNOW it's for the best. I'm glad he did it BEFORE you guys disrupted your lives to move all the way there.
Now, if I'm really selfish, ... I'm glad you are gonna be with us (by the way, you live in the basement in our house with mom, in case you don't remember that when you're older) for Christmas and the other holidays. Knowing that you could have been moving before Dec., made me want to do all the things I wouldn't have been able to do with you for a while (I don't like FL and probably wouldn't have flown down there much... well, .... maybe I WOULD have, since I would have missed you like crazy!!-- for no one else would I have considered it  ;-)   ). But now, I don't feel the rush to do everything that would be memorable to YOU, and cram it in a short span of time. Come to think of it, maybe that's not so good, because now I don't have to do so much .... hahaha. Awww... you know I probably will, since you are such fun at this age.
I know someday you will have a dad (not that you weren't born with one, but we won't go there today), but I guess the right dad has to come along at the right time. He has to be pretty special for me to accept him as YOUR dad! The one you were born with wasn't right for you. He didn't deserve you. Please.... just trust me on that.
Okay, so ....On with the next chapter of your life. You have school starting soon....a new teacher (I hear she's great- from your babysitter, Shee-shee---Sheila Brown). Her name is Donna Acker (Mrs Acker to you). You are growing into a fine boy, even though you have your days. Don't we all? It's nice to hear that you 'were the best boy ever', when I pick you up from Shee-shee's house. So ... let's hope and pray mom gets to feel better soon, and we're kinda back to square one. And, message to mom.... breathe.

Here's to you....

I've thought of starting this blog for you, Malakai for a while. I know you are only 4 1/2 yrs old now, but there are things I'd like to tell you that I hope you can use later in life. Some day, when I'm gone from your life (like dead), I hope these will help you understand your family and make you a great man.
For right now, ... you're a great little boy...and I love you.